April 6, 2010

Welcome to THE SLUMDOG SCHOOL OF CATHOLIC POETICS--a necessity, given the old money wanna-be purveyors of false Catholic mahogany culture everywhere in evidence.

How to recognize the virus:

If you are drawn to an authentic blue-collar (edged) Catholic poetic while others have either joined the squishy secularized herd or cling to a notion of prosody that is no longer fully alive;
If you come from lower-middle stock or have a friend or relative who has, or if you've actually worked with your hands at some point in your life;
If watching 2 hrs. of consecutive talk shows on EWTN would constitute torture for you;
If you actually like the "Who-ville" quality of the English-speaking Mass, some contemporary liturgical music;
If you are wary of Catholic cultural (pizza) money, doilies and glass cathedrals in general;
If you've ever--with head held high--bought kitchen plastics (or anything else) from Walmart;
If Catholic sycophantic literary mags, east coast intellectual privilege make you want to hurl;
If you distrust MFA programs and the content police, and if you try to hold a faithful course;
If you have withstood the Catholic home-school fashion mongers;
If hearing Chesterton's poetry read aloud makes you want to hurt yourself;
If you profoundly distrust the generic Catholic Renaissance/great books/back-to-the-land "I am the orthodox answer" man;
If you are a theologian or catechist who likes Harry Potter or Thomas Merton, or a historian who doesn't much care for Dawson (honorary membership);
If you've ever read ON THE ROAD, hitch-hiked, or are not sure what the second fork next to the dinner plate is for;
If you've read a book of poetry published after 1962, or if you've ever thought of living in a commune;
If you've ever feel like the Catholic barbarian at the gates--and were thankful;
If you find many conservative Catholics tiresome, still communicate with liberal writers because they have more welcoming souls;
If you don't confuse deconstruction with the devil;
In short, if you can keep your head while all about you are stuffing theirs with straw;
If you will not be deterred, either by "originality" or by "tradition";
Then, then you'll be a "main" my son (to quote James Brown).