September 30, 2011

Been really frustrated lately about my painfully slow spiritual growth. I figured if I just had humility I would not sin. So I had this dream: me playing baseball. I'm in left field, and I mess up every play, embarrass myself and my team to the point that the manager has to come out and make a switch. I get sent to first base, where the results are even worse. After the game, I give him my uniform. In my life, the above scenario would play itself out by my losing my job, family, that small thing I call a career, and basically end up being a street person. I could see that that was/is humility: the cross; the real time death one, or as close as we can come to it.

And so it will be, for all Christians. Even the saints get pulled as close as possible, as much as they can take. The trouble is, for me, I also pray for success with my work, the work of my hands; besides, I wouldn't want to leave my kids with that.

So I guess God knows what He's doing. I get as much humility as I can take, given the life I'm in. So instead of praying for all humility, I'll pray for the amount he knows I can take.

I hope the MacArthur foundation is listening.